Hillbilly Golf is a tailgate/lawn game that’s great for pre-gaming, post-gaming, or just drinking in the sunshine, but it requires some equipment. You could buy a set at the store or something, but that wouldn’t be in the true spirit of the game. No, you have to build it. Here’s what you’ll need:

• About 25 ft. of 3/4 in. PVC pipe
• 6 3/4 in. PVC T’s
• 6 3/4 in. PVC elbows
• About 8 ft. of nylon rope
• A dozen golf balls
• A drill
• Scissors
• A saw (if you’re going to cut the PVC pipe yourself)

Building your own set is half the fun of the game. So once you’ve got all the ingredients, here’s how to build it (NOTE: these instructions build one half of the set. Just repeat the steps to build the other half):

• Cut 3 2 ft. pieces of PVC and 6 1 ft. pieces
• Attach T’s to the end of 2 of the 2 ft. pieces and elbows to the 3rd
• Connect the 3 with the 6 1 ft. pieces to make the “ladder”
• Cut 6 2 ft. pieces of PVC
• Connect 2 2 ft. pieces together using a T (do this twice)
• Attach elbows on both ends of the now 4 ft. of pipe (do this twice)
• Connect the two ends with the other 2 2 ft. pieces
• Attach the ladder to the base just created

Now you should have a final product that looks like this:

Lastly, you have to drill holes through each golf ball, then cut the nylon rope and tie two golf balls together so their about 12 in. apart. Make 6 of these.

Once you build it, I think you have to paint it. I recommend neon orange, neon yellow, and neon purple paint. Make that set really stand out. But if all went to plan, you should have two sets that look like the picture to the right.

Now all that’s left is the rules:

• Set the “ladders” about 20 ft. apart (adjust as you like)
• Play in teams of two, where teammates stand on opposite ends
• Opposing players on the same side alternate shots (like shuffleboard)
• Top rung = 3 pts, middle = 2 pts, bottom = 1 pt
• The balls can bounce up onto the rungs
• The opposing player can try to knock your balls off the rungs
• Score the difference (like shuffleboard, e.g. you get 3 points, your opponent gets 1, you score 2 points)
• When your turn is over (all 6 balls have been thrown), the other two players shoot from their end
• Game goes to 21

So there you have it. That’s Hillbilly Golf. If you’ve played it before, or built a set of your own, let us know what you think. If not, give it a try if you get a sunny day, and then come back and tell us how it went.

While watching some of those shows, I’ve always wondered: what do those beers taste like? Are they closer to a microbrew or a can of Schlitz? They’re obviously incredibly popular. Hell, Duff even has a theme park. If all these TV beer brands existed in the same consumer arena, which would be the top dog? Which would have the greatest market share? Well, I’m going to try to answer that question by ranking the Best Beers on TV.

It’s no question that a quick and easy way to show camaraderie or male bonding on a TV show is by showing the boys sitting around throwing a few back. So many shows have done it. But how many shows have gone as far as branding their own beer? And how many have done it so successfully that we immediately remember what show it’s from and what the logo looks like even? Funny you should ask. Here are the 5 Best Beers on TV:

#5: Samuel Jackson (Chappelle’s Show)

Everybody who watched TV from 2003-2005 knew about Chappelle’s Show. Anyone that knew anything about the show (or had a co-worker that watched it and thought he was funny for quoting it nonstop) knew about this sketch, and this beer. Now, we know Samuel Jackson beer isn’t that great. I mean, it’s pitch is “It’ll get you drunk!”, among other things… but it still deserves to be mentioned.

#4: Buzz Beer (The Drew Carey Show)

The original Cap-Beer-Cino, Buzz Beer was created by Drew and his friends in his garage. It was a mix of beer and coffee. Genius! What was the potential for its success? As Lewis said in an episode, “the combination of caffeine and alcohol should be more addictive than heroin, but so far sales haven’t borne that out.” Eventually this home-brew, officially called Buzz Beer, was sold in the Warsaw Tavern for all to enjoy. Based on Lewis’s description, we know this was a delicious home brew that just never got a chance. But that doesn’t stop it from making a well-deserved showing on this list.

#3: Pawtucket Patriot Ale (Family Guy)

If there’s one thing a TV beer brand needs on a show, it’s exposure. With Family Guy, you could almost call Pawtucket Pat a recurring character. Peter and his friends hit the Clam almost every episode it seems like, and they’re always drinking Pawtucket Patriot. It probably tastes like shit, but if that’s not brand loyalty, I don’t know what is. Family Guy went as far as creating an entire show based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but instead of Willy Wonka, we got Pawtucket Pat. That episode, Peter drank more cans of beer than anyone has ever drank on any show ever in order to find the golden ticket. The reason this is a great TV beer? When asked if he was drunk after drinking all those beers, Peter responded, “No, I’m just exhausted ’cause I’ve been up all night drinkin’.”

#2: Romulan Ale (Star Trek)

Since the Romulan’s first showed up in 1966, they’ve been trading this intoxicating brew to everyone in the universe! Romulan Ale is a staple of the Star Trek universe. This blue beverage will get you ripped, but question is, how does it taste? Well, it’s blue, for starters, which gives it points for looking delicious. Plus it’s longevity has to speak to something. What’s that? It’s illegal? Romulan Ale is illegal? And they still openly trade it? Hell, this stuff has to be good.

#1: Duff Beer (The Simpsons)

Duff Beer is the perennial beer of television. I bet even Budweiser is jealous of the brand awareness that Duff has. Not only is it the only beer Homer drinks, but he might drink more than anyone else on TV. (Well, other than Don Draper on Mad Men). But throughout the history of this groundbreaking show, Duff has reigned supreme. Duff has had a theme park, complete with the Seven Duffs, it has a very vocal spokesman, Duff Man, and is advertised everywhere. The budget of Duff must be astronomical. It’s just like Budweiser in that it’s cheap and mass produced, sure. But let’s be honest: who hasn’t wanted to crack open a can of Duff with Duff Man? It’s a very appealing beer, and is our #1 choice for Beer on TV.

That’s the list. the 5 best beers on TV. If you think we missed any, agree or disagree with our take, or just want to tell us what you think, let us know in the comments.

Here are the competing beers:

Fulton Brewery… Portland Pilsner
Beer Style: Pilsner
OG: 1.050 TG: 1.007 ABV: 5.55%

Oak Hills Brewery… Humanity Hefeweizen
Beer Style: Hefeweizen
OG: 1.050 TG: 1.010 ABV: 5.16%

McMenamins on Monroe Brewery… Astrid’s Alt
Beer Style: Alt
OG: 1.054 TG: 1.010 ABV: 5.68%

Crystal Ballroom Brewery… Ostara Maibock
Beer Style: Maibock
OG: 1.070 TG: 1.016 ABV: 6.97%

McMenamins Queen Anne Brewery… Big Lou’s Smoked American Amber
Beer Style: Smoked Amber Ale
OG: 1.066 TG: 1.016 ABV: 6.45%

Old St. Francis Brewery… Reducyble Organic IPA
Beer Style: Organic IPA
OG: 1.060 TG: 1.013 ABV: 6.06%

Thompson Brewery… Stations IPA
Beer Style: IPA
OG: 1.086 TG: 1.018 ABV: 8.77%

John Barleycorns Brewery… Old Shovelhead
Beer Style: Barleywine
OG: 1.096 TG: 1.025 ABV: 9.16%

High Street Brewery… Wolf Ticket Milk Stout
Beer Style: Milk Stout
OG: 1.062 TG: 1.018 ABV: 5.68%

Cornelius Pass Roadhouse Brewery… Cashed Out Imperial Porter
Beer Style: Imperial Porter
OG: 1.075 TG: 1.018 ABV: 7.35%

Lighthouse Brewery… Devil’s Lake Blonde
Beer Style: Blonde
OG: 1.042 TG: 1.007 ABV: 4.52%

Dad Watsons Brewery… This Beer’s The Wit!
Beer Style: Belgian Wit
OG: 1.049 TG: 1.010 ABV: 5.03%

McMenamins on the Columbia Brewery… Four Winds Amber Ale
Beer Style: Amber
OG: 1.056 TG: 1.012 ABV: 5.68%

Spar Brewery… Cougar Tooth Pale
Beer Style: Pale
OG: 1.050 TG: 1.010 ABV: 5.16%

West Linn Brewery… Fau’frombrewin
Beer Style: Oktoberfest/Marzen
OG: 1.068 TG: 1.012 ABV: 7.22%

Concordia Brewery… Hot for Teacher IPA
Beer Style: IPA
OG: 1.065 TG: 1.011 ABV: 6.97%

Edgefield Brewery… Recession Imperial Red
Beer Style: Imperial Red
OG: 1.080 TG: 1.013 TG ABV: 8.64%

Hillsdale Brewery… Oak-Aged Sledgehammer
Beer Style: Strong Ale
OG: 1.071 TG: 1.012 ABV: 7.61%

Roseburg Station Brewery… Boysen’ the Hood
Beer Style: Oatmeal Stout
OG: 1.058 TG: 1.010 ABV: 6.19%

Highland Brewery… Hall and Oats Oatmeal Coffee Stout
Beer Style: Oatmeal Stout
OG: 1.060 TG: 1.010 ABV: 6.45%

For Valentine’s Day, the old lady and I went out to a restaurant in the Pearl District of Downtown Portland called Bay 13. A brick-walled warehouse-turned-restaurant, Bay 13 specializes in what their website describes as “sustainable seafood - fish that is caught or farmed in a manner that protects individual species and conserves marine habitats.” (Just call it fresh sushi, guys). That’s nice, save the whales and all that, sure, but I wanted to know what they had in the booze department. I don’t write for no food blog, after all.

Bay 13, like many other Portland restaurants, has a pretty big wine list that it’s very proud of. With a focus on local wines, they hand selects each wine on the list by hand to compliment the various flavors on the menu. I’m going to have to take their word for it though. If there’s one thing to know about me and sushi, it’s that there is always sake involved.

I have been around the sushi block, or should I say conveyor belt, and always get sake, but I never really knew about it. To me, it was simply “rice wine”. All of it was basically the same. What could possibly be all that different between two varieties of mixed up rice, water, and koji? I enjoyed the taste, couldn’t tell the difference, and just drank it. But this place was pretty good about teaching you something about their sake. Each type of sake had a little description on the menu telling you what it was, how it was made, and what to expect when you taste it. That made it a bit interesting when it came time to drink.

With a fair amount of premium sake to choose from, I opted for the sake flight: 3 small glasses, each with a different style. Sakes included in the flight were White Crane - a nigori sake, which is unfiltered, Ten Thousand Ways – a honjozo sake, which has alcohol added to release the flavor, and Seven Samurai – a junmai sake, which is “pure sake”, made with only rice, water, and koji. All 3 were served chilled, and they were delicious. If I had to rank them, I think I liked Seven Samurai the best, then White Crane, and then Ten Thousand Ways.

Now, I’ll let you read Wikipedia for all the details about sake, but what was interesting for me to learn was how sake is made and what distinguishes various kinds. Sake is made by fermenting rice essentially, and the alcohol is produced when the starch in rice is converted from starch to sugar to alcohol. It’s brewing process is much like beer in that regard, except beer goes from starch to sugar, then from sugar to alcohol. Two steps. Sake does those two steps simultaneously. Unlike wine, where quality is based on region, year, grapes, etc., sake is judged based simply on purity. The rice to be fermented is usually polished, or milled, to remove proteins and oils, leaving starch. Proteins and oils are considered impurities, so the more the rice is polished, or in other words, the less the end batch of rice weighs (called Seimai-buai, a concept used in sake brewing) the higher quality the sake. It’s like vodka in that regard. Many bottles of sake have the milled percentage on the bottle just like the ABV % on beer. The higher the percentage, the higher the sake’s quality. It’s a unique and interesting process, that’s for sure.

After a delicious flight of sake, a couple Sapporo’s, and a mojito, (oh, and I guess I had sushi too), I was done. It was a great place with good food, good atmosphere, and good sake, and it taught me a thing or two about booze, something I’m always eager to learn about.

• Oregon’s surrounding states have low beer taxes (around $8 per barrel), so what would stop Oregon breweries from moving their sales and manufacturing operations to say California or Washington.  The breweries could then keep their Oregon locations for use as a pub instead of a brewpub.
• The bill targets many programs such as drug and alcohol programs, and drug abuse and prevention campaigns.  If the revenue generated will provide a good for all members of society, shouldn’t all members of society help and pay for these programs instead of Oregon microbreweries and microbrew lovers.
• I feel that this bill doesn’t take into effect how the economic sales will change as result of this bill taking effect.  Sure there will be revenue generate at the state level, but how many people will not buy these tasty beverages because they don’t feel that $14 per six pack is a fair price.

Speculations agree that the bill would effect a pint at the local bar by $.20, but what would stop bars from raising this even higher so they can generate some profit from this bill as well.  We could see a pint raised $.50 or even higher.  Also six packs will raise on average $2.00, this is a huge tax hike that could result in a bigger struggling economy.  Usually taxes have a connection between who is being taxed and what the money is being used for.  Truckers pay taxes per mile for road construction and upkeep, smokers pay for healthcare costs and needs.  What is the connection between microbreweries and drug and anti-teen drinking ads?  I never remember buying or having anyone buy me Microbrew for any parties when I was 17 or 18, it was always what is cheapest and gets everyone hammered (Busch and Pabst was the answer).  How many accidents are caused by Microbrew compared to domestic beer?  It would be way more beneficial to the Oregon economy to allow these Microbreweries to continue to grow so they can receive income nationally instead of locally.  As the demand goes up, then it could be taxed.

Don’t get me wrong, revenue can be generated by the state to be used for its mentioned causes.  Is it better to generate this revenue or to attract new breweries from opening in Oregon which will result in taxes gathered?  Oregon needs to embrace its Microbrew culture and make a stand to keep this bill from passing.  The future of Oregon’s Microbreweries depends on it.

Introducing the 2nd Annual Beer Brawl! Hosted at the Concordia Ale House in NE Portland, the Beer Brawl is a week long blind taste-off between the West Coast powerhouses of craft beer during which beer lovers (and naturally a few NE Portland drunks) will cast their vote and decide which state’s beer is best.

Captains from Oregon, Washington and California choose four beers from their respective states in four categories: IPA, Stout, Pale Ale, and Captain’s Choice, making a total of 12 beers in the brawl. This year’s captains are Sean Loring from Lazy Boy Brewing (WA), Ken O’Connor from Deschutes Brewing (OR), and Richard Norgrove from Bear Republic Brewing Company (CA).

Each “judge” (that’s us!) is presented with a taster tray of a dozen 3oz samples, labeled 1A/1B/1C, 2A/2B/2C, etc. You will mark which beer you think is best in each category, and the results will be tallied on a giant board by the bar. At the end of the week-long showdown, the final results will be counted, the beers will be unveiled, and a champion will be crowned.

The 2nd Annual Beer Brawl runs from February 25 - March 1 at the Concordia Ale House, located at 3276 NE Killingsworth St. Taster trays are $12 for 12 three-ounce sample glasses, or $25 with a commemorative t-shirt. If you think about it, that’s probably a great deal, because a lot of the beers likely to be there (The Abyss, Racer X) are both rare and expensive.

So, if you’re in the neighborhood and want to try some great beer from all over the West Coast (or you just want to get hammered), come on down to the Concordia Ale House and cast your vote. May the best beer (and state) win!

The Concept
Aging wine allows it to gain complexity and flavor, among other nuances. It began in caves beneath vineyards and wineries, moved into restaurants and wine bars, and has developed into quite the hobby for your average wine enthusiast (not to mention a point of pride for a lot of wine snobs). As the beer industry and its endless list of microbreweries have striven for experimentation, it was only a matter of time until someone tried cellaring beer, undoubtedly hoping for the same results.

There are many businesses and breweries in Portland who do this currently, and hold public tastings periodically around town. I haven’t personally tasted any aged beer, but I have read about people who have and most have said that there are actually distinct and positive changes.

The key to any wine cellar is managing three major factors: temperature, light, and humidity. With beer, the same basic rules apply. Wine ages best when it’s kept at a moderate temperature (about 55°F) in a dark environment. Beer should be treated the same way, but preferably at lower temperatures (below 50°F). The humidity aspect refers to keeping the cork in the wine bottle in constant contact with wine so it doesn’t dry out, shrink, and let air in. With beer caps you really don’t have to worry about that, but corked beer should be stored at an angle for this purpose.

Lastly, the alcohol content of the beer is important too. The higher the alcohol content (aka closer to wine strength), the better it will age. And because beer is much more active than wine in terms of in-bottle fermentation (that’s the yeast, baby), beer ages best between 6 months - 2 years, where as wine is seemingly limitless.

My Cellar
After hearing about cellaring beer, I started looking around for some good candidates, and came up with 5 beers to start my personal cellar.

• Deschutes Brewery’s The Abyss - Imperial Stout - 11%
• Unibroue Brewery’s La Fin du Monde - Strong Triple-Style Golden Ale - 9%
• Rogue Brewery’s Imperial Stout - Imperial Stout - 11%
• Rogue Brewery’s Old Crustacean - Barleywine - 11.3%
• Bridgeport Brewery’s Old Knucklehead - Barleywine - 10%

Five strong cellar players in my opinion. The Rogue beers are in ceramic bottles as well, making them especially good candidates for aging and, eventually, tasting, which brings me to the whole point of this process.

Tasting
These 5 beers were all cellared around the same time: mid-January. I plan to take them out and drink them at different times, but I’m not sure which I’ll start with. I think I’ll wait 3 months before tasting one, then one a few months later, and so on. I’m going to try to round up a fresh bottle of the beer I have cellared around the time I plan to taste it so I can compare the two.

I’ll throw up some thoughts when I break one out to taste, and hopefully one or two of the other guys can come over and taste them too so we can have a couple different opinions. Until then, is anyone else doing this, and if so, what beers are in your cellar?

1. Always have a reason.

Never crack open a beer or pour a cocktail without a fair to excellent excuse. “Rough day at work,” and “women troubles” are always good. You might also want to try “The Lakers are on,” or, “I got some new Netflix.” It is advisable to have a drink worthy television show for every “non-traditional” drinking night of the week. I recommend 24 for Mondays, Scrubs or Nip/Tuck for Tuesday, Lost on Wednesday, The Office and 30 Rock on Thursdays and The Simpsons for Sunday.

2. Don’t let other people get you down.

If someone walks into the room and sees you drinking, and they ask some intrusive question like, “Are you drinking on a Tuesday at four in the afternoon?” Immediately turn it around. Offer them a drink. If they say something ridiculous along the line of “Are you crazy? It’s four in the afternoon on a Tuesday,” insult them back. Make them feel bad for not drinking with you. Peer pressure is a gift from God—use it.

3. Never, under any circumstances, run out of alcohol.

Running out of booze poses two problems. First, you will be too drunk to drive to get more, and second, you will be forced to notify someone that you had been drinking and now you need a ride to get more. This is a shame spiral that grows at an exponential rate. First, you’re embarrassed that you had to notify your friend or family member; then you will be ashamed the whole car ride because your friend or family member is mad at you, and finally, when you wake up the next morning, the shame will crush you like a rock. This problem also rears its ugly head if you get the drunk munchies, from this point forward known as the “drunchies.”

4. Drink liquor, for two reasons.

First, it’s classy. When you drink liquor either straight or on the rocks in the appropriate glass you look like a movie star or some struggling artist with writer’s block. However, this does not apply if you are drinking straight from the bottle or out of your baby cousin’s sippy cup. Buy a tumbler and learn how to make at least one cocktail. The second reason you should chose liquor over beer to drink by yourself is that it’s easier to hide. With beer there is the problem of all the empties. With liquor the only clue is the less empty bottle, and who can really claim you drank all that in one night.

5. Stay away from your phone and computer.

The only thing worse then the drunk dial or drunk facebook poke is the drunk dial or drunk facebook poke on a Wednesday. This gets back to our exponentially growing shame spiral. One, the person you contact will know that you had been drinking on a weekday (they always do whether they act like it or not); two you will be embarrassed because you contacted them when you were drunk on a Wednesday, and three—you were drunk on a Wed. That’s some shameful shit. In all seriousness, whether you’re buy yourself or with friends, stay away from communication devices while drinking.

So there you go. Some tips on how to drink by yourself sans embarrassment.

Coming Soon: How to drink at work, church or at your kid’s little league game while still maintaining your dignity.

Being a whiskey lover (of only 22), I had never tried Gentleman Jack, so this seemed like a better time than any. I’ve had plenty of experiences with JD in my day, believe me. I’ve even had a run in with Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel (thanks to Ryan for the Christmas present). So I consider myself a pretty good judge of this brand of whiskey. However, those didn’t quite prepare me for the Gentleman.

Gentleman Jack is the dapper brother of Jack Daniels, and it differs in one pretty obvious way: it’s charcoal mellowed twice (once before the barrel and once after), meaning it’s very smooth. If you’re expecting the burn of the original, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with its purity and richness. It resembles a scotch to an untrained palate like mine, but that may not be very far off.

It’s a long lost concoction that Mr. Jack Daniel himself experimented with way back when. He tried double charcoal mellowing in the beginning, but it didn’t make the cut. However, he saved the recipe, and now it’s alive today.

It’s a little more expensive than original JD, but really, it’s not the price that differentiates it, it’s the style. Jack’s original Tennessee whiskey, what we all know as Jack Daniel’s, has it’s place, no doubt about it. It tastes great as a shot, with Coke, or in any other case that calls for whiskey. It’s versatile. But to enjoy the Gentleman, you have to like a nice glass of scotch every once an a while. It’s that smooth and that aromatic. In a sense, it’s like Scotch of the Americas, as Scotch must be distilled in Scotland to actually be deemed “Scotch”. That’s what I think makes it special, and what makes it worth the extra dime. Especially if you’re celebrating an occasion.

Gentleman Jack is a very easy liquor, which I recommend be served straight. After all, why ruin a good thing?

Here’s what you’ll need:

• Old fashioned glass
• Ice
• Vodka
• Kahlua
• Half & half

Here’s how you do it: The Dude had no hard and fast rules about his drink. Never any measurements; he just eyeballed it. But he did have some general guidelines that we’re going to follow.

First, start with an old fashioned glass, and fill about two-thirds of it with ice. Next, fill the glass about halfway with vodka. Due to the large amount in this drink, the better the vodka, the better the drink will turn out. Then add a little Kahlua, enough to color the vodka. Finally, slowly pour half & half into the glass until it’s about 3/4 full. The idea is to float the half & half so that it slowly mixes into the drink.

You’ve just made The Dude’s White Russian, or as he calls it, a Caucasian. It’s a little stiff, so be careful, but the Dude wouldn’t have it any other way. Especially since that half and half is so expensive… Enjoy!