It’s On Tap

If you could have a beer with any TV character, who would it be? And what would you drink? Would you go to Moe’s Tavern with Homer Simpson and enjoy a frothy pint of Duff? Would you head to Drew Carey’s house for a bottle of Buzz? Would you go to the Drunken Clam and pound a few Pawtucket Pat’s with Peter Griffin and the guys?

While watching some of those shows, I’ve always wondered: what do those beers taste like? Are they closer to a microbrew or a can of Schlitz? They’re obviously incredibly popular. Hell, Duff even has a theme park. If all these TV beer brands existed in the same consumer arena, which would be the top dog? Which would have the greatest market share? Well, I’m going to try to answer that question by ranking the Best Beers on TV.

It’s no question that a quick and easy way to show camaraderie or male bonding on a TV show is by showing the boys sitting around throwing a few back. So many shows have done it. But how many shows have gone as far as branding their own beer? And how many have done it so successfully that we immediately remember what show it’s from and what the logo looks like even? Funny you should ask. Here are the 5 Best Beers on TV:

#5: Samuel Jackson (Chappelle’s Show)

Everybody who watched TV from 2003-2005 knew about Chappelle’s Show. Anyone that knew anything about the show (or had a co-worker that watched it and thought he was funny for quoting it nonstop) knew about this sketch, and this beer. Now, we know Samuel Jackson beer isn’t that great. I mean, it’s pitch is “It’ll get you drunk!”, among other things… but it still deserves to be mentioned.

#4: Buzz Beer (The Drew Carey Show)

The original Cap-Beer-Cino, Buzz Beer was created by Drew and his friends in his garage. It was a mix of beer and coffee. Genius! What was the potential for its success? As Lewis said in an episode, “the combination of caffeine and alcohol should be more addictive than heroin, but so far sales haven’t borne that out.” Eventually this home-brew, officially called Buzz Beer, was sold in the Warsaw Tavern for all to enjoy. Based on Lewis’s description, we know this was a delicious home brew that just never got a chance. But that doesn’t stop it from making a well-deserved showing on this list.

#3: Pawtucket Patriot Ale (Family Guy)

If there’s one thing a TV beer brand needs on a show, it’s exposure. With Family Guy, you could almost call Pawtucket Pat a recurring character. Peter and his friends hit the Clam almost every episode it seems like, and they’re always drinking Pawtucket Patriot. It probably tastes like shit, but if that’s not brand loyalty, I don’t know what is. Family Guy went as far as creating an entire show based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but instead of Willy Wonka, we got Pawtucket Pat. That episode, Peter drank more cans of beer than anyone has ever drank on any show ever in order to find the golden ticket. The reason this is a great TV beer? When asked if he was drunk after drinking all those beers, Peter responded, “No, I’m just exhausted ’cause I’ve been up all night drinkin’.”

#2: Romulan Ale (Star Trek)

Since the Romulan’s first showed up in 1966, they’ve been trading this intoxicating brew to everyone in the universe! Romulan Ale is a staple of the Star Trek universe. This blue beverage will get you ripped, but question is, how does it taste? Well, it’s blue, for starters, which gives it points for looking delicious. Plus it’s longevity has to speak to something. What’s that? It’s illegal? Romulan Ale is illegal? And they still openly trade it? Hell, this stuff has to be good.

#1: Duff Beer (The Simpsons)

Duff Beer is the perennial beer of television. I bet even Budweiser is jealous of the brand awareness that Duff has. Not only is it the only beer Homer drinks, but he might drink more than anyone else on TV. (Well, other than Don Draper on Mad Men). But throughout the history of this groundbreaking show, Duff has reigned supreme. Duff has had a theme park, complete with the Seven Duffs, it has a very vocal spokesman, Duff Man, and is advertised everywhere. The budget of Duff must be astronomical. It’s just like Budweiser in that it’s cheap and mass produced, sure. But let’s be honest: who hasn’t wanted to crack open a can of Duff with Duff Man? It’s a very appealing beer, and is our #1 choice for Beer on TV.

That’s the list. the 5 best beers on TV. If you think we missed any, agree or disagree with our take, or just want to tell us what you think, let us know in the comments.